Though, its been a busy road getting here. The past few weeks have been coupled with exhaustion and annoyance for me. Exhausted from school and work and annoyance with much of the same. I hate complaining and won't do it here because this is a place of realization and reflection, not moaning and groaning. However, to boil it all down, I've been met with a lot of time being wasted and opportunities not being met, created, or taken. There is nothing so irritating to me to watch rivers become dammed and left stagnant when so much else could be done- I'll put it at that. This is with people and organizations a like. I guess I really just don't like: Waste. This isn't about this matter though, to steer back on course, this has all taken a large toll on me recently, making me quite bitter at the right moments. This week was the last straw, I really couldn't handle it anymore but I really couldn't find the problem nor confront it head on. But this feeling of resentment is one that I do not like to feel nor ever want to. Finally I had an opportunity to take a break, not deal with anyone or thing that has been chipping away at my sanity, and took my inch approximately twenty miles up Spearfish Canyon, and I ESCAPED. (That's what Apple should come out with next- "Introducing the all new iEscape, free of all electronics and unnecessary junk- get outside and live life!" Ha!)
So with this ingenious new "iEscape" technology, I did what I do best- fly fish. Truthfully, the root of all frustration and anger for me is, in-equilibrium. When there's too much work, school, and annoying people/things and not enough adventure or exploration ("Outside Time" as Gretchen calls it) or simply not enough time to myself, I get pissed... Then I took a chance to slow down and decompress last night and saw how badly I was shaking, my hands literally were shaking. Some people shake from drug withdrawal or not eating for long periods of time- I shake from being out of balance in my life, from literally not fishing or going outside. Such a complex ordeal of anger has such a simple fix, and in fact I heard it best summed up by a Finnish fly fisher/jazz player last week when he said, "I'm a simple man: fish make me happy. Scarey simple."
Truly scarey.
Again today and last night, I had a startling realization. Just as the Jews in the old testament fell from God time and time again, I fell away from the things that make me happy and give me purpose. Yet, as God is benevolent, so is your passion- so are the fish. When you forget about what really makes you happy and fulfills your soul, then what else is making you happy?! Facebook, work, your iphone? Hell no!!!
This week was a wake up call, I went to church on Sunday (an awesome little Antiochian Orthodox Mission built into a house in Rapid City) and had a lot taken off my chest by meditating on whats been on my mind. It was first then that by putting a block back in its rightful space that there was still more that had to be done! But what, what hadn't I been doing? ...fishing, exploring on my own, thinking deeply. "Duh, Evan! You've been ignoring your passion again! You let things get to you, you got too much going on, you're supposed to keep it simple, remember?" I do now!
Forty degrees and sunny- no school, no work, no friends or family. In short terms, "Heaven on Earth." Not to sound like I aim to not spend time with friends and family, but I need my own space sometimes. I went way down to Cheyenne Crossing to scout Yates Ponds. Grabbed my trusty Sage and headed out. I've fished here a lot, its a favorite spot of mine and I loved to take my clients here back in the fall for the prime chance of hooking a huge fish. But there's more to this spot, and it's hidden by tall spruce trees.
Well the ponds weren't fishing too well today, or rather I was throwing a huge streamer at fish that prefer tiny nymphs, and so I decided to take a look in the woods. I saw a glassy blue run, etched through dazzling white snow and slates of ice inside a tall green wall of spruces. For a moment- just a split second- I thought about throwing my phone away, giving all my cash to the poor, and never leaving that spot. Its amazing how quickly you remember how to be happy, what a profound and instant effect it has on you. I made a few casts across the current with my streamer and as I was ready to leave and find a new place to fish and was stripping in my line, I noticed a giant trout come from under a weed mat and slowly follow after the fly. I twitched it up stream a little faster and he sped up to chase it. In a ray of sun through the branches my bright white streamer stopped and the giant fish came from behind and engulfed it. I set the hook and the fish twisted, turned, and splashed- ran for branches and sticks. I locked my rod in my wrist and lifted his head out of the water and knelt down to net him. The water stung as I reached in to clasp him and take the hook out. And as soon as he was in my hand he was gone again, invisible under the clear, blue water. Then again the urge to never leave came sweeping back, "Why would anyone do anything else with their lives?!"
I went to a few new spots in the upper canyon today, where the spruces reign and the stream is much more intimate. I never get too many chances to fish up there, but I'm always excited and surprised when I do. The big fish was the only one I got today but that wasn't the reason why I went out. I needed a break, I needed to get out, I needed to get back in balance and to be happy again. There's nothing like pulling over at some random point on the road and walking into the woods and stumbling on something beautiful- be it fish or water or rock or something else, maybe just an idea. No one is ever perfect, but to at least be balanced, that is all we can ask for! Happiness is found in equilibrium, as is perfection.
I'm sure I'll find myself in a few months or years or days realizing this all over again, its just the nature of our daily lives. Though this realization isn't a scarey one, more helpful than anything, what's scarey is how out of balance and mad I've been for so long (at most a month, I'll be it.) And I'm never mad- ever! It just goes to show that little things add up and big things take their toll. That life today is so much more inclined to make you mad, that there really isn't such a thing called an iEscape- even though that's really what the world needs. The saving grace is that the iEscape isn't found in stores though, its inside us, and maybe we just forgot about it as I did. Pull that sucker out and go for an adventure, do what makes you happy! Its such a scarey, simple fix! I can literally feel my soul being happy right now...
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